an update

Since I started writing at 750words.com, I kind of just stopped writing here. And actually, for the past month, I think I've just kind of stopped writing. I think this dearth might also be reflective of the fact that I have now transitioned into my life, where my normal state is much more introspective, and I was never really in the habit of exposing the inner musings of my soul via writing. I figure most people like stories and events, but I don't really have as many of those now that I'm back in my own skin. I mean, to me, this is what life is really about, but I guess that's kind of hard to write about for others, because I think it might be hard to follow along. Although I will be moving soon, which means new color schemes and more space!! So I'll be sure to update with that.

Otherwise, read on if you feel like discovering what I've been beginning to understand about myself. Probably the most revelatory experience lately has been reifying my conceptions of abstract vs. concrete by comparing it to others'. (First of all, can I just tell you how excited I am about the word reify? I think I have been looking for a word like that for so long. And I'm so happy it exists!) I completely (well, conceptually at least) understand why concrete generally refers to things that are physically tangible and describable. Why stories and actual events are the concrete things of life. But not for me. I have a really hard time trying to tell a story because I don't remember events as well as I remember ideas. I mean, sure, I can recount stories, but what catches most of my attention is the internal experience of it. To me, concrete is influence, change, affect, ideas, learning, growth. Those are the things that seem more tangible to me. Granted, they are not literally so, but those are the things that to me are constants that are, with the right eye, quite visible. Sure, sometimes I can be wrong. Sometimes I'm biased and I'll place emotions that might not be there. But the constant quest is to see more clearly and correctly. It doesn't seem so abstract to me to try to uncover the beginnings of an idea, to define knowledge and to understand how it is transferred and transformed, how an idea actually becomes knowledge. But a mechanism that turns to generate electricity? Totally abstract. Even though I can touch it and watch it move.

Being exposed to a group of local, urban high school students reminds me, too, that the thinking I take for granted is actually an invaluable resource. The way I view the world has brought me to the place where I am. I have influence. I can affect the direction of thought. It's kind of scary, but that potential also motivates me to  make sure that I try to remain unbiased and open to new ideas, so thoughts can be guided by true principles, and not just by the way I'd like others to see the world.

The dual nature of man. That's another thing that keeps me up at night. I made a 2x2 in my head after Sunday School on Sunday and feel the need to share it. You might ask why it would even matter to do something like this, but...it just helps me understand more clearly. Along one dimension is the natural man versus the enlightened one. The other dimension contains heart and mind. There is a logic and a feeling of the natural man, and one of the enlightened or spiritual one. There are universal, neutral principles that can then be better understood in this light. For example, belief. The natural way is to prove through experiment and deduce through experience, whereas the way the gospel outlines requires faith, which is to first believe and then know. Maybe more on this later....I should probably work a little more.