4 years and 2 months ago...

It's my little brother's turn! He called and we actually spoke for a good five minutes. And he constructed full sentences, and even asked me questions. After a couple of minutes of shock and wonderment, I finally realized he was probably calling because he was leaving. And he'll be gone for two years...

I think I'll be doing a lot of reminiscing...

being

You'd think after how many years, I would've had this down. And I think most people have always assumed that I do. But I think I'm just barely starting to get it--to learn how to fail, to learn how to succeed, to learn how to learn...really just to learn how to be. Not to be someone or something in particular, not to be looking only towards how I should be. There's always been this weight of expectation from...somewhere, this ever-present feeling of defeat and of falling short. Fear.

But I'm starting to break free! I can turn something in not because it's complete, but because that's what I have right now. Because that's as far as I've thought through it. And that's enough for the time being. What if I am doing better than I think I am? And then I realize that maybe, I don't really need to constantly assess how well I'm doing, which is only based on some arbitrary scale anyway. I am who I am, and I like it! And...it's fun being embraced as a girl :) (and maybe by a certain individual in particular...;) ) Albeit a very...unique one at times, as my embracing of my emotions still comes in a very logical form. I don't really expect anyone else to enjoy that paper, but I loved it. What a beautiful explication of emotions--emotions are rational!

watch as the storm blows through

So the sun is finally shining :)

I didn't realize how much I need feedback, how I consistently underestimate my own abilities. But it's so refreshing to find out you're doing so much better than you thought you were! Especially hearing it from someone you know is being brutally honest with you. Now if only I could maintain that kind of confidence...and at the same time, not get too comfortable. The only thing about getting into a routine, though, is that now I have nothing to blog about. I do the same thing pretty much everyday--take the subway to class. Work (=study). Class. Work. Reach my maximum capacity. Take the subway home. Make dinner? Sleep.

Oh, but I guess for all of my Grad Studies friends (so happy to have heard from James/Kevin this week!) who read this, I also go on dates :). And maybe you'll be happy to find out that in the past 1.5 months, I've been asked out by more than the total number of guys I've ever dated. I'll keep you posted ;)